if there was a thing such as hell, we’d all be going there…
if there was a thing such as hell, we’d all be going there…
Since I’ve basically made a career of being totally fucking awesome and my job consists mostly of fucking and/or telling people to fuck and/or telling people to fuck off, I’ve decided it may be a good idea to chronicle some of my experiences as one of the fuckers that makes the fucking business happen. I’ll start by saying, if you don’t like it FUCK YOU, If you do and you wanna be some kind of poster slut for the site or send in your pictures of you half naked drunk flipping off the camera’s and unsuspecting viewers with your middle fingers, FUCK YOU TOO.( The only shit worse than ‘duck face’ and cleavage is some lame sorority slut drunk on malt liquor flipping of the camera while also pushing her tits together making her look like some contorted alchoholic not really angry at anything co-ed double negative) anyway, I’d probably still FUCK YOU maybe once.. By the way send your slutty pics with FuckYou.com scrawled across your boobs and you could actually BE THE POSTER SLUT for FUCK YOU in my articles I’ll be periodically posting these slutty bitches pics, you might even be able to win a FUCKYOU.COM T-shirt for being so totally awesome and slutty.
I bet you’re thinking “You know what Sean, Fuck You.” and to that I’d say Fuck you too and ..just for good measure.. Fuck You to the horse you rode in on too.
In 1789, France was a top heavy economy, to say the least. The aristocrats who controlled the government lived in the gilded halls of the most luxurious palaces in the entire world. These were hereditary rulers, strengthened by the partnership between the French monarchy and the church. Feudal lords controlled the land and the peasants that eked a meager existence from it. Even in the cities, the ordinary people were beset by rising food and transportation prices. The country was still harried by the huge costs incurred in the Seven Years War. In response to these economic calamities, the aristocracy leaned harder on their people in order to keep themselves in the gold and silk they had become accustomed to.
After five years of dire circumstances, civil unrest, and failed political reforms, a period immortalized as ‘The Reign of Terror’ began. The King Louis XVI’s fat fucking head was lopped off by the guillotine in 1793. He was just one of some 18,000 – 40,000 royals, lords, aristocrats, religious fundamentalists, and cops to get fucking killed by the revolutionary masses over the next year or so. Every fat rich bastard in church, government, or banking, who hadn’t gotten the hell out of France as fast as they could was a stinking corpse by 1794. The people of France had it rough in the decades leading up to the revolution, and the backlash was pretty damn hard. They wanted to be sure that the old aristocrats had it even rougher. General Westermann said, “Mercy is not a revolutionary sentiment.”
More than one hundred years later on the other side of Europe, one Orthodox Christian Monarchy still had not made the reforms of its neighbors in the western world. This was the Empire of Russia, ruled by the hereditary monarch Emperor Nicholas II. The Czar’s palaces gave Versailles a run for it’s money, and if it is at all possible, the ordinary Russian was in even worse shape than his French Revolutionary counterpart. The men of the Empire were still being drafted into the stagnant trenches of the Great War as it ground into its third year. This caused a spiraling national debt abroad while at home, landowners suppressed hunger riots in the streets and industrialists squeezed factory workers ever harder.
A series of revolutions blitzed the European cities of the Russian Empire, and in 1917 Bolshevik Revolutionaries stormed the Winter Palace in St. Petersburg and shot the Emperor and his whole fucking family right in their faces. Remember that Disney movie Anastasia? Pure fucking fantasy. Her silver-spoon ass got blown away with the rest of the royal family by pissed-off revolutionaries that day; their brains splattered all over what was, no doubt, a very expensively appointed sitting room. All over Russia, church leaders, civil police, factory bosses and landlords were getting put up against the wall and shot for their decades of war and oppression. Things got so bad that the masses just rose up and took the power, and during that time it was for the rulers as it had been for the people- being treated unfairly, imprisoned, and fucking shot.
Also, I heard something about a budget agreement being reached in Washington, but I haven’t had any time to look into that yet.
So you have probably heard by now that the world is slated to end tomorrow at 6 pm. This is from the very complex and esoteric calculations of a civil engineer and amateur biblical scholar, Harold Camping. Obviously, this guy is a certified clown-shoes, bat-shit jackass, and come Sunday even his borderline-autistic followers will see this; BUT, god how I wish it were true.
The pieces are all falling into place here; black president, earthquakes, floods, volcanoes, to say nothing of the things we do each other. We’ve seen oil spills, genocide, civil war, revolution, violent suppression, the panda update, more oil spills, the Tea Party. Someone trying to tell me that the world is going to end in the near future could make a pretty good case.
Frankly, it couldn’t come soon enough. I think you are all a bunch of idiots, squabbling amongst yourselves while your corporate overlords get their hands further into your pockets. You’re all a bunch of hypocrites too, talking about how much you love freedom while backing up repressive fascist states like Bahrain and Israel, and saying ‘oh well,’ while those shitheel TSA blue-shirts feel up your 6 year old daughter. You hate pollution so much, but you can’t be bothered to give up driving your fucking pick up truck down the street to the convenience store.
You’re also a bunch of whiny pussies, fat lazy morons, and greedy soulless sycophants.
So I just wanted to say, in case the world really does end tomorrow, fuck you, I’ve always hated you. I want you to know before we all die that I never had any respect for you and I hope the star wormwood lands right on your fat, ignorant ass.
That said, I know I never get my way and the world is going to go on sucking balls like it normally does. In that case let me kick the religious among you.
So I talked to a lot of Christians and they all think this Harold Camping guy is nuts and the world isn’t going to end tomorrow. Yea well no duh but let me point out how you’re almost as fucking stupid as this Harold Camping guy if you are a Christian. You see he believes that Jesus, one incarnation of the one invisible anthropomorphic god, will return to the earth and judge the living and the dead. He will do this based not on what you did, but whether or not you believed the fairy tales about him. This process is going to involve angels, trumpets, fire from space, and talking sheep.
Keep in mind that all Christians believe this. The only thing they disagree on is the date. ( Matthew 24:36) What kind of fucking country do we live on where someone can believe all of that and be considered normal, but if you pick the day that all of this happens, then you’re a lunatic? ‘Merica, that’s which one.
I know it’s a tall order but how about this- stop worshiping asshats. Stop killing our planet. Fucking do some good and treat others as you would have them treat you. But that’s too much for your spineless yellow ass isn’t it?
“The Catholic Church has given the go-ahead to an iPhone-only Confession app – users wanting actual absolution for their sins will have to see a priest though.
The Catholic Church has joined the 21st Century – it’s just approved a Confession app for the iPhone. Unfortunately, users wanting actual absolution will still have to go and see a priest face-to-face – some things never change!
The app itself is called Confession and once downloaded will guide the user through the confession process. Early ideas for the name of the app included the slightly wordier, “A Priest in Your Pocket.” Nevertheless, Confession should be going live very soon – so keep your eyes peeled for it in the App Store ye’ unrepentant heathens!” – KnowYourMobile.com
I’m sure the Lord sent this idea to the Pope via FaceTime chat.