Charlie Sheen spamming
In these days of sensitive, skin tight jean wearing, bearded, bescarved, bohemian hipster pansies, it is refreshing when a celebrity just goes full-tilt rockstar like Charlie Sheen. Where did those days go? I blame fucking Bright Eyes and the baffling coup of ugly vegan nerds who don’t drink and go to bed early so they can go out to breakfast. Anyone can get a tattoo, jackass. All you have to do is pay for it, it doesn’t make you a rocker.
Look, getting wasted and throwing up pure whiskey outside of a 711 at 3 am seems shitty, and it is, but it has a silver lining: it’s fucking rock and roll. Without alpha-douches like Charley at the top of the pyramid paying B list pornstars* 30 big ones just to hang out with him and smoke cocaine (I kid you not,) how are the rest of us going to forgive each others degenerate behavior? (*Not Bree Olson, okay? She’s tickity-boo.)
Someone has to be out there burning it at both ends, and not like fucking David Hasslehoff eating a burger off his bathroom floor. We need a hero who spends ridiculous amounts of money on pornstars and blow just because. Charlie is filling that role perfectly. First off, he trashed a hotel room. That’s a complete no-brainer. It’s a starting point. A prerequisite. Check. But what I love most is how he stands behind everything he does with the most bombastic self absorbed nonsense I may have ever heard.
If you have several hours to kill, check out this awesome Charlie Sheen quote prompter. It’s struggling under all the traffic right now, but seriously, it’s worth it. Here are some of my favorites, taken totally out of context:
- “The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning.”
- “I am on a drug, it’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”
- “I was banging seven-gram rocks and finishing them, because that’s how I roll. I have one speed, I have one gear: Go.”
- “Dying’s for fools.”
And my personal favorite:
So get big on that. And remember that as long as Charlie has millions of dollars, Bree Olson as part of a set of girlfriends, and fame that exceeds international revolutions, he is WINNING. I will only accept criticism of his eccentric behavior if and when that all comes crashing down around his ears.
