You’re Cool, You’re Cool..Fuck You, You’re Cool..Fuck You, I’m Out.

Since I’ve basically made a career of being totally fucking awesome and my job consists mostly of fucking and/or telling people to fuck and/or telling people to fuck off, I’ve decided it may be a good idea to chronicle some of my experiences as one of the fuckers that makes the fucking business happen. I’ll start by saying, if you don’t like it FUCK YOU, If you do and you wanna be some kind of poster slut for the site or send in your pictures of you half naked drunk flipping off the camera’s and unsuspecting viewers with your middle fingers, FUCK YOU TOO.( The only shit worse than ‘duck face’ and cleavage is some lame sorority slut drunk on malt liquor flipping of the camera while also pushing her tits together making her look like some contorted alchoholic not really angry at anything co-ed double negative) anyway, I’d probably still FUCK YOU maybe once.. By the way send your slutty pics with FuckYou.com scrawled across your boobs and you could actually BE THE POSTER SLUT for FUCK YOU in my articles I’ll be periodically posting these slutty bitches pics, you might even be able to win a FUCKYOU.COM T-shirt for being so totally awesome and slutty.

I bet you’re thinking “You know what Sean, Fuck You.” and to that I’d say Fuck you too and ..just for good measure.. Fuck You to the horse you rode in on too.

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Fuck You Karen Handel

Karen Handel

And you’re anti-abortion charged bullshit. You’re a disgrace to the female sex.

I hope your tits fall off.

Fuck you, Komen CEO Nancy Brinker for hiring a confederate flag waiving snake as your vice president.

 

 

Osama Bin Laden is DEAD! Prove it.

After years of mindless wastes in intelligence and remote attacks, the U.S. military forces have finally taken out the culprit behind September 11th, 2001 with good old fashioned man power. Osama was killed in a precise military strategy focused on his “safe” house that lay interestingly close to a Pakistani military establishment. One that also stayed within miles of Islamabad, the capital of Pakistan. Now, I can admit that a “hidden in plain sight” mindset is possibly responsible for this “safe” house’s placement. Although, for a 6 foot Arab man on dialysis evading the U.S. military at will for years, this seems like a fairly unintelligent decision.

Also, Americans have been waiting for this redemption since 2001. After almost a full decade, they deserve to see their loved ones’ murderer either brought to trial like so many other foreign war criminals before him, or dead in a body bag. What did our genius government decide to do? Give a mass murderer a proper cultural burial in the middle of the ocean between the hours of 1am and 2am. A full account of the burial has been reported as follows:

“The official described the procedure to NBC News as follows:

- The deceased’s body was washed and then placed in a white sheet.
- The body was placed in a weighted bag.
- A military officer read prepared religious remarks that were translated into Arabic by a native speaker.
- After the words were complete, the body was placed on a prepared flat board, tipped up, whereupon the deceased’s body eased into the sea from the USS Carl Vinson.”

(ABC NEWS)

Comments on the burial decisions have stated that difficulties arose when looking for a place who would be willing to host Osama Bin Laden’s grave site. Concerns have also been expressed on Bin Laden’s burial ground being a possible rally point for disgruntled Al Qaeda members. These concerns lead to the “No Land Alternative” portion of Muslim law, which requires the body to buried within 24 hours of death.

All of this fits rather well into a scenario leaving no choice but to NOT show proof of Osama Bin Laden’s death. At a time when President Obama is seeking support for a second term in office, being the man who brought down a decade-long fugitive, who successfully evaded the Bush administration, looks rather nice about now. Much nicer than the failing economy he promised to solve.

The interpretation of the facts we have, and the possible ones we don’t, is completely up to you. Is Osama Bin Laden now dead at the hands of dedicated U.S. soldiers, or was he simply our updated, real-life example of Cobra Commander? Maybe if enough of us ask for the autopsy report, we’ll find out. Either way, fuck you Osama Bin Laden! May your U.S. government funded, armed and trained ass lay cold and wet for the rest of eternity.

Fuck You Catholic Church and Confession iPhone App

The Catholic Church has given the go-ahead to an iPhone-only Confession app – users wanting actual absolution for their sins will have to see a priest though.

The Catholic Church has joined the 21st Century – it’s just approved a Confession app for the iPhone. Unfortunately, users wanting actual absolution will still have to go and see a priest face-to-face – some things never change!

The app itself is called Confession and once downloaded will guide the user through the confession process. Early ideas for the name of the app included the slightly wordier, “A Priest in Your Pocket.” Nevertheless, Confession should be going live very soon – so keep your eyes peeled for it in the App Store ye’ unrepentant heathens!” – KnowYourMobile.com

I’m sure the Lord sent this idea to the Pope via FaceTime chat.

iPhone-Confession-App

The Umbilical Brothers – Fingers

The Umbilical Brothers met in 1988, at the University of Western Sydney in a jazz class, (as part of an acting course called Theatre Nepean), where David swung around and broke Shane’s nose. Although their instructors tried to keep Shane and David apart after the incident, they got together on their own and began writing routines.

Their performances combine mime with ordinary dialogue and vocal sound effects. They use puppetry, slapstick, mimicry and audience participation, and make scant use of props and lighting. After having performed for seven years, their routines are highly scripted.

Thank you Umbilical Brothers for this masterful showing of the many ways to creatively use the middle finger.

Fuck You!

Fuck You Parents Television Council

Fuck You Parents Television Council for MTV SkinsIn addition to the sexual content on the show involving cast members as young as 15, PTC counted 42 depictions and references to drugs and alcohol in the premiere episode,” the group — which has called the show “the most dangerous program ever for children” — wrote in a letter to the government organizations. “It is clear that Viacom has knowingly produced material that may well be in violation of [several anti-child pornography laws].” – The Hollywood Reporter

Before I flame the living hell out of the Parents Television Council for apparently forgetting what it’s like to be an adolescent in an ever evolving adult’s world, let’s take a stroll down the “ABC Legal Drinking Age” memory lane.

In 1934, the original ABC Act stated that the legal age for purchase, possession or consumption of any alcoholic beverage was 21 years of age. Until 1974 of course when the Legal Drinking Age (LDA) for beer was lowered from 21 to 18 in most states due to the legal voting age being changed to 18 as well. At least that’s the official written reasoning for the sudden change in alcohol philosophy. Some maintain that the legal drinking age was dropped at this time in consideration for 18 year old boys being drafted into the war.

In 1981, the LDA for beer remained at 18 for on-premises consumption and raised to 19 for off-premises consumption in some states, and during 1983 the LDA was raised to 19 years old for all sales of beer.

1985 brought about legislature that made persons born on or after July 1, 1966 will able to purchase beer, wine and liquor on and after their 21st birthday. Persons born before July 1, 1966 were given the privilege to purchase, possess and consume beer. Then, in 1987 the LDA was finally raised back to 21 for all alcoholic beverages.

During this same span of 53 years, in which 6 different changes were made to the National Legal Drinking Age, I would bet my life savings that a grand percentage of under-aged teens were consuming alcohol. In fact, I would bet more than my life savings that a member, if not many more, of the Parents Television Council has consumed alcohol while under the National Legal Drinking Age.

Now, if teens were consuming alcohol while under the National Legal Drinking Age during periods of time when TELEVISION WAS NOT INVENTED…I would be forced to assume TELEVISION was not their motive for consuming alcohol. Therefore, given that the human species has not drastically evolved since 1934, I can also state that TELEVISION HAS NEVER BEEN THE FACTUAL REASON BEHIND UNDER-AGED CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL.

We’ll leave that point made for just a moment while I now address the Parents Television Council’s stance on the use of drugs on MTV’s “Skins”. I’m sure most of the readers here, who coherently remember the 1980′s, can remember a PSA starring Clint Eastwood regarding the dangers of smoking crack-cocaine. This was a very clear and well shot public service notice. Others followed depicting eggs splattered in cooking pans, glasses being shattered, and a slew of other very creative metaphors for how drugs supposedly effect the human brain and body. Today, drug-free branding such as the “Above the Influence” campaign has continued the attempt to deter drug use in public media.

Monthly drug use has declined by almost 50 percent from highs in 1979 of up to twenty-five million down to an estimated 12.8 million Americans. Despite the dramatic drop, more than a third of all Americans twelve and older have tried an illicit drug. How can this be? In most states, all narcotics are both illegal and have education programs in place to deter their use. Yet they are still purchased and experimented with by a third of all Americans twelve and older. What is even more astonishing, is that none of these statistics have any correlation to an MTV TELEVISION SERIES.

Here’s a shot of sensibility to the straight edged parents of America. What PSA’s of kids running around having fun in seemingly “drug-free” environments don’t do, is actually show kids what it’s like to be a part of the drug world at it’s worst. Therefore, you simply create more of a curiosity factor for them to feed into and for dealers to feed off of. Want to show a kid why they shouldn’t snort coke at parties with their friends who look like they are having the greatest time ever? Why don’t you show them the surgery a cocaine addict has to endure in order to close the hole burned through the cartilage which separates their nasal passages?

If anything, “Skins” could be used to teach a lesson to teens about drugs more effectively than any other attempt made to date. Why? Simply because you address the actual motives for doing illegal narcotics instead of acting like they don’t exist. There’s no need to go into “sex” after making this point, because it rides the same fucking wave.

MTV’s “Skins” makes a great attempt to blow all the fairy tales about teen life out of the picture. Middle School and High School in America are not places where children and adolescents hold hands while singing “Kumbaya” all day. Most of the time, students in these establishments are doing everything within their power to experience things which they are told are “not to be experienced” at their age. If you think otherwise, you’re a simpleton without the intelligence level to hold any public office.

Want to effectively educate the youth of America on the possible dangers of sex, alcohol and illegal narcotics? Try explaining it to them on their level without sugar coating and omitting shit. Otherwise, FUCK YOU!

I really hope someone from the Parents Television Council reads this and has anything close to a rational epiphany on what they are doing for 8 hours a day.

Resources:
http://www.ncjrs.gov/htm/chapter2.htm (drugs)
…and I don’t have to cite documented legal action in US History. That shit is COMMON KNOWLEDGE.